Putting it out there...

Are you ever too afraid to actually say something out load in fear that it will never happen or that it's too big to even dream coming true? You know, a goal or a dream you may have for your future or yourself!

I have yet to master the ability to break down all self doubt. I am plagued by it some times or for specific goals I have for myself. I would like to think that I come off as a very confident person who seems in control most times but really I have this weakness that I am becoming very aware of lately only because it seems to be standing in my way!!

For sure there are things in my life that I have really fought hard to get past. At one time in my life I was petrified to sing in public but after some time I finally conquered that fear and really came into my own when it came to my singing. I sang anywhere and everywhere I could...for church, fare wells, homecomings,parties, funerals and on stage in musicals. My confidence soared and I was accomplishing a dream. Looking back now I can for sure see the hard work it took to get to that level of confidence and I can remember the rewards and the feelings I had. Sadly 7 years ago for what ever reason I just stopped. I stopped doing some thing I loved and lost the confidence needed to even sing a simple solo in church. I am a living, breathing example of the parable of the talents. I so buried it and now it's gone!

Now that's just an example of what I'm talking about. The idea of singing in public is so frightening yet I want so badly to be able to do it! I know I have the ability once I get my voice and stamina back. It's like knowing you have the tools but you're too afraid to use them!

I struggle with this in more then this department. I have a few things inside me that I so want to be good at, accomplished at but my fear of failure and self doubt hold me back. Sometimes I feel like I can't even share my goals with others because I "know" I'll never attain them. Other times I want to shout them to anyone who would listen just to put it out there and have that pressure pushing me forward! Ugg!!! I never know what to do! This is a silent struggle.

I'm sure we all have this list of goals, BIG goals, life changing goals, inside us. I'm still trying to figure out how to get them out! Here I sit debating weather or not to even list them here! Would it help me! ? Not sure! Would it hinder me!? Possibly! Some I have even started but have told so few people of because of all the reasons listed above!

I'd love a magic pill, spell or transformation if any of you have one!!! I'm my biggest stumbling block! I hope by admitting to myself my struggles I can start to move forward!!!Thanks for listening!

I'm hoping years from now when I've actually accomplished something incredible I have in mind I can look back at this post and laugh at myself for being so melodramatic and introspective! So me!!!