Saturday morning!

Lst night was spent frustrated and frantic as I tried to make a "stay and Play" blanket for a baby shower for a friends shower that is today!!! Let's just say my machine was not my friend and did all it could to gather, skip and sputter!!! If you sew you know that's not good!!!! Half way throught I just bagged the project...it was basically unsalvageable!

ok...move on to plan B.Wait!!! I don't have a plan B! Don't panic! It's only 9:40p.m. and I don't have a plan B! CRAP!!! I had to figure out something! I did have a stash of baby onsie projects I have been waiting to work on. That's it!!! a cute baby onsie with a sewn on Patch that reads "Totally Spoiled!!! Perfect! I'll make a matching tutu and a a hair band and a pair of matching slippers!!! Now if only I had started 5 hours before!!!! Oh ell!!!

So the machine was still on strike and managed to only get half of what I needed done so I finished the onsie by hand! Finish the Tutu...check! Hair band...check! And I finally get it wrapped and in bed by 11. Not too bad!!!

Man I hate that panicky feeling! I had no reservations on working on the blanket the night before! I've made those blankets how many times before with no problem and then my lame machine is to blame!!! It's my fault for waiting 'till the last minute!!!Maybe it was a sigh! Maybe people aren't as in to home made baby gifts as I think!!! It's not like I do it to save a ton of money on a a gift and the time i put into them is just as valuable!!! Maybe it's time to reevaluate!!!

So what do you prefer? Guests to stick to your registry or do you appreciate the time and effort that people put into making a useful gift? (ok...maybe a tutu isn't the most useful gift I could have given but it was 10 o'clock people!)

just wondering!

????

Why is it that half a cup of juice from a cup looks like a gallon when spilled on the floor!!! And is there not something incredibly wrong with a 4 year old who does NOTHING when she sits and watches her little sister take apple caramel dip and proceeds to slather it on like lotion!! Wish I took a picture!!!

KIDS!

What the...

I had a dream that David Cook was in my class..apparently we were still in school or something. In my dream I went up to him and told him I needed to make out with him before we graduated...you know! Just so I could say I made out with him!!! He just laughed at me. We were good friends so it was a odd request and I was dating Mike so I was mentally trying to figure out the logistics of how I was going to kiss David and have it not be me cheating. CRAZY!!!! So not into David Cook!!

So I'm on a mission to find a nice piece of art work for my kitchen wall... that's one of the last things I need to complete the room and check one more area of my home off my to do list! It has not been very easy! I drove all over Tuesday searching for the perfect painting! I'd love to just pick something up but that leads to two big problems...The first being Mike and I don't have the same taste when it comes to art work and second, I need a fairly large piece for a big wall and I drive a small car! Woe is me!

Like my new header!!! I found this awesome and super easy cool new site that turned everyday photos into old antique prints. It's an Asian site...don't ask me how I found it but it's soooo simple! upload your photo in the browser bar and then press the blue button below it with the ??????! Te Da!!! A cool photo. Save it by right clicking and selecting "save image as."

here is the link

here are some more cool examples...



So cool huh!!! New favorite site!!!!!

ok...so I'm off to get ready ( I know! It's already 9:30ish and I'm still in my robe...back off!!!) and off to search again for the perfect piece of art work...ok maybe not the perfect piece but something that will do!

chairs!!!

good news for anyone looking for out door chairs like the ones I got! I got mine at Home Depot for $10 each. They are plastic so you just rinse them off...perfect huh!!! They came in those three summer colors but they also sold them white and tan but those were $15. I also saw blue ones at Linens N Things but for $17!

So no I did not paint them but oddly enough those are the exact colors I would have painted them had they been wood!!!!!

Weekend High lights....

- Made a total of 5 trips to Home Depot this weekend!!!! Best buy besides a BBQ were these fantastic little Adirondack chairs in the "Oh So colorful" gotta have 'em shades of summer!!!


- Empties an entire truck bed of top soil and made 13 trips with a wheel barrel all in the efforts to make a garden box...still not done!!DARN rain!

- Did a little bedroom Furniture shopping and I must say ...we're getting closer!This little set is the one we are most considering at the moment!
- Had a fun and crazy Surprise when a familiar stranger walked out of Sacrament meeting!! The conversation went a little like this...

Stranger: "Hey! You're Rebecca D."
me: "Yeah! And you look JUST like Melissa! You're her sister!!!"

Gotta love blogging and MC!!!! So Melissa's (MOT) sister and her darling family just moved into our ward!!!SCORE!!! so fun!Can't wait to get to know them better! WELCOME!!!

- Had Josh and Tiffany over for a BBQ on Sunday. The weather decided to shape up and the sun was shinning by the time we sat down to eat! Mike grilled Steak and I cooked corn and garlic homemade fries!
- Capped the night off with an ice cream cone and great conversation on teh new chairs!


- Monday it rained all day but we managed to work on the house. Mike patched dings and dents in the walls and I washed walls! Mike must have reached his limit with me asking and finally gave in on a paint color for the kitchen so we painted last night! Pictures to come. and we finished the weekend off at a cook out at our neighbors!!!


Did any of you see this commercial yesterday!!!It gives me chills and stopped me in my tracks! I love it!!! Sadly it's from a beer company but the message sis so touching!



Hope you all had the best weekend!

One more piece of exciting news!!!! Mike was recently accepted into BYU's MBA graduate program and just decided to attend!! I am so excited and proud of him and the next two years will be different for us!!! I'll officially be a single mom every other Friday and Saturday and some week nights for group work!!! Wish us all luck!

"Survey says..." and other random Beccaisums!

So Mike and I have been having a "playful" discussion on a few matters of household affairs lately. I'd love to get your opinion on a few matters because I know when I should apologize or lower my standards but before I do I just wanted to get my feelers out there and see what the norm is in homes all across the board!

So here's the first question: How often does your husband thank you for making dinner?
-every night, a few nights a week, only when it's a killer meal, not very often?

This first question stems from me WANTING to be thanked after every meal. I feel it's common curtisy to thanks anyone who cooks you something! I told him one night that he had failed to say thank you two nights in a row and it started a dialog of sorts...don't worry! He's already pulled the guys at the office so I don't feel bad asking my gals at my "office!"

Maybe I'm completely off base and my expectations are so out of whack ...if they are then by all means I need to just get over it! I guess this is all rooted in my desire to be an amazing cook. I would rather get a compliment on my cooking then a compliment on any other thing...above my home, my creativity or my talents. I really try hard to meal plan and execute a meal. It's harder then it looks and maybe my standards were set low... I grew up on top ramon, hamburger helper and mac and cheese. Taco night was an exception. You'd never call any meal in my home gourmet so maybe what I think is impressive is really just run of the mill but I work hard to try new things, make home made sides and put forth more of an effort then warming up a frozen dish. I'm no pro but no one could ever say I don't try and succeed most of the time!

Isn't it worth the three easy words to say..."Thanks for dinner!"

Second question: Who plans Anniversaries in your relationship? do you both just plan something, do you alternate? Are surprise involved? Do each of you expect the other to do something?

Anniversaries are the main way my husband likes to celebrate our love but we have never done anything over the top or super get a way like!!! I can't remember ever being disappointed but I would love to spice it up a bit! I just wonder how you guys celebrate!

ok that's about it on teh questions!

here's the happenings... Blue has a UTI!! no more bubble baths for her!She is so my daughter, poor thing, we have sensitive " area's" apparently! I too have been cursed agian!!!While at the doctors I thought for sure I'd have trouble getting her to pee in a cup... surprise surprise it only took a tiny bribe and doing it first myself to get her to pee in that funny little kid "hat" bowl thingy that collects her urine!!! The funniest part was her running back into the waiting room yelling " I peed in a cup Macy!!!I peed in a cup like mommy!!!" classic!The room was instantly entertained by her enthusiasm! She's been a real trooper!I know she's been in a lot of pain and I swear she went to bathroom 15 times today!

So David A. lost!!! I was a little sad for the poor kid but it's all a blessing right! I often wonder what sort of contracts and agree with Idol those winners have to agree on. We've all seen the success of past "losers!!" He'll be so successful . Now maybe there won't be such pressure for him when Mission time rolls around!

ok ladies... take it easy this glorious weekend!!! I just wanted to take a moment to honor all the fallen heroes who have served our country over the years! I have been blessed by brave men and woman who have served to keep my country free. I am proud to have service men in my family! I have a cousin who had fought in this current war, grandparents who served in WWII. I am proud to be apart of a country who fights for freedom. Thanks you to all who have died for such a cause! Happy Memorial DayEveryone!

Drum roll please....

The waits over... Now to reveal what's been keeping me busy for days!!!!

This is what happens when I get my hands on an old broken dresser on the verge death....


I turn it into this...and then these!!!!! I am so excited to introduce you to my solved problem!!!Forever I've been searching for a cute ribbon holder! All I could find were ugly plastic ones or ones that were super expensive. SOLUTION: turn old drawers into the perfect, stylish and functional ribbon holder myself! Te DA... A drawer NO more!!!

These babies have 26" of ribbon hanging space and look so so so adorable sitting atop any shelf or any craft desk! They hold even the largest of ribbon spools!!! I love it when a plan comes together!

I will be selling these on my blue cricket design blog
I'll be making more... I'm on the hunt for more dressers calling my name!!!

Weekend Wrap Up!!!

First of all you all HAVE to jump over and see the funniest and cutest pictures of Blue HERE!!!!!
She is so dang beautiful and I can so say that because she's my daughter!!!

ok... So let's talk about the best weekend ever!!! It started off Friday at Chipotle for free burrito night to all the couples out there!!!We so grubbed on free food with friends and it was well worth the 15 minute wait!!!

the LAKERS won!!!Super great series to watch against the JAZZ. Teh JAZZ played great as well but sorry guys... my blood runs purple and gold!!! I've been a Laker fan as far back as Magic and teh old schoolers!!That's what happens when you grow up with Lakers lovers as parents!!! And after watching every play off game thus far I have decided Basket Ball is my game to watch!!!

Saturday my family and I did our CF GREAT STRIDES walk!!! It was such a great experiance! I literally got the chills when I saw all the different teams and everyone there! I loved partisipating and hope it becomes a family tradition!Thanks again for all your support! After the walk we headed home for some yard work and playing in the water with the girls. I then had to crash... I'm still dealing with my UTI! Ugg!!!

Then in the evening it was off for some fishing! Does it get any more Norman Rockwell then that ?!!? It just felt like the All American weekend! The only thing we didn't do was have a bbq in the back yard and throw horse shoes!

I was able to get a huge chunk of my project worked on but I'm missing a few critical supplies! so keep checking back for updates! Part of my project is a huge under taking but I'm feeling really excited about it as I see it unfold!
Do you ever have one of tose Sundays where you get ready for Church and you just look at yourself and say "DAng I look so cute today!!!" Well I had one of those days today if you don't mind me saying and it largely was due to this adorable new shirt I got from Down East!... Yellow is such a funny happy color to wear! I also bought this dress and can't wait to wear it this summer!!! It's the perfect cool summer breezy dress!
Tonight we took the girls out back to try to get some fun pictures. We are loving our new DSLR camera and the girls are making it all the more fun! here are some fun shots of them!!! When I see them looking so adorable it's easy to forget about all their naughty behavior!!! We'll be blowing up some shots of them for the house!!!

About to burst!

So one of my favorite things happened to me yesterday!!!! I finally figured out a solution to a problem that has been bugging me for over a year!!! I won't spill the beans yet but let's just say my creative juices are flowing and I can't wait to get out there and shop for my supplies!

I was up for over an hour laying in bed just thinking about how I was going to make this "mystery thingy ma bopper!" I can't wait to show you!! I'm leary to tell you about it just in case I finish it and it's totally lame! Some times my mind gets a little out of control adn certain ideasa seem out of this world and then they flop!!! But that's part of the design process! I'm willing to flounder a few times!

But here's a list of some of my supplies to tease you a little with... specialty paper, paint, dowels, glue, furniture, ribbon, embellishment, knobs, pulls, and some items I really need to look for on ebay! Are you intrigued yet!!!

So I better get my day started before I burst with joy and ruin the computer!!!

What are your spiritual blessings?

On Sunday we had a beautiful lesson in church about Spiritual Blessings. Sorry I can't recall the exact title but it's been on my mind ever since I heard it. I sat there in the room listening and really trying to pin point what my Spiritual blessings might be. Other women shared how they were blessed with a power of discernment and are able to feel the needs of those around them or the ability to block out distraction in order to feel the Spirit. I was in awe of their clarity. Maybe they were like me at some point in there lives and were less in touch with what their gifts actually were.

Amazingly I know we have all been blessed with gifts that help make us who we are and are used to bless others. I can see the gifts one may posses it in so many of my good friends . Be it the ability to understand the scriptures with ease or the gift of patience. I can see it as an ability to forgive and forget easily or the power to make all those around them feel welcomed and comfortable. These to me are all gifts from our Heavenly Father! I am impressed by all of them and have benefited from so many of the gifts others have been given.

I would hope that we can all notice the gifts we have been blessed with. Each and every one of us can be a vessel of strength and comfort for each other. To me that's a requirement. What a joy we can all be when we are using our strengths and embrassing what makes us special.

I am beginning to recognize that what makes me me may largely be in part due to what my Heavenly Father has bestowed upon me. Blessings are not just for our benefit... they are given to us to bless and inspire.

Mama's Day!

For sure this was the best Mothers day I've had in a long time!!! I know with little kids the burden falls on your husband to help make your Mothers Day special. Sadly Mikes attitude about the day is that it's for honoring His mother and I'm not his mother so in the past this holiday has been a little lack luster!

But maybe my hugely disappointing Valentines Day sent the message that I want more out of holidays that he simply doesn't believe in... for our relationships sake right!!!!That's not too much to ask! But Mike really pulled through this year and in my book it never takes much money just a little effort!

He helped the girls each pick out a gift for me... with a little guidance! Blue gave me a Vanilla reed air freshener, something I've always wanted to try and Mace gave me this adorable shirt that I love!
Ah yes... HUG a TREE!!!! He finally nailed it! I was so excited to have received something that was actually thought out! Not because I would actually enjoy them but because it showed me that Mike took the day seriously!!! I so fell in love with him all over again!!! He also wrote me an amazing card that melted my heart and really made me feel appreciated!

I was so looking forward to the primary children singing in Church. As they called them all up there Mace started heading up and Blue was in tow... it's better to just let her go instead of have to fight her to stay, but once they both reached the stand Cricket froze, made a 180 and ran back to where we were sitting and screamed " I don't want to go sing!!!" Classic!!! So there stood Blue Bird wondering what she should do! She decided to just go sing by herself!!! We were shocked...she just walked right up there and joined the others and we sat in the congregation so proud staring at her forehead because that's all we could see!!! It was the cutest thing ever!!!

After Church we ate dinner at our good friends Lesa and Ryan's and they so spoiled us! Mike must have thought it was Fathers Day! We had stake and crab legs and strawberry short cake! The perfect ending to a fantastic day!

Yesterday was so wonderful! I was able to just sit and reflect on all the blessing I have been able to experiance because I am a mother! I am in awe of the responsibility Heavenly Father has bestowed upon us and feel often that I fall short. But it's in those moments when my own girls will reaffirm to me that I must be doing something right. I need to cherish this stage in their lives where I seem more like a hero then the bad guy, when a snuggle from mom is all the comfort they need! This really is an amazing job. I love being a mom!

Don't forget!!!

So if you haven't been popping in on my family blog make sure you get over there! I have a few fun posts with recent photos of the girls and an adorable video of Blue in the garden!!!I also posted some pictures Mike took with our new camera!!!

I hope all of you special ladies have a wonderful Mothers Day tomorrow and you all get spoiled!!! I already layed the girls church cloths out so Mike can take over in the morning!!!Who else is looking forward to sweet songs from teh kiddos in church !!!I love that part of the day!!!!

Cookie Utopia!!!

So here's a little insight on me... I love me a good cookie but no where can I buy my dream cookie! I love the cookie part of both a Chocolate Chip and Oatmeal cookie but everyone seems to ruin them by adding chocolate chips or raisins!!! You'll find me breaking out the chips and tossing the raisins!!! But man do I love everything else about them!

So finally I came up with the ultimate "Becca's gona' love it!!" cookie recipe and for all of you out there who know exactly what I'm talking about in having to pick out the parts of a cookie you don't enjoy then you'll have to give this recipe a try!!!

It's based on a recipe I got in a magazine but because I omitted so many of it's ingredients I claim this "New and Improved" final recipe my own!!! Like how I took those liberties myself!!!He he he!!!

Enjoy!!!!


Oatmeal Crunch Cookie

1 1/4 cups flour
1 tsp. Baking Powder
1 tsp Baking Soda1 cup Quick oats
1 stick butter
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup sugar
1 egg
1 tsp vinilla
1 cup flaky cereal ( I used CURVES!!! so good!)




Preheat oven 350

Cream butter , sugar, brown sugar,egg and vanilla.

In separate bowl mix flour, baking soda, baking powder,cereal and oats.

Gradually add flour mixture to wet ingredients until blended.

Form balls of dough and place on ungreased cookie sheet 2 inches apart. Lick the bowl!!!, and bake at 350 for about 14 min.

Proceed to eat 3-4 before you family realizes they are out of the oven and you are forced to share them!!!!

There you have it!!!The best cookie that's only cookie that you'll ever eat!!!

**** You can use any flaky cereal you have...I think Honey bunches of Oats, or Special K would work too. The cereal just adds a great crunch to it and any flavored flake cereal I am sure would be super yummy!

Recycling at it's best!

So you know me!!! This is what you get when you put two of my passions together!!! Sweet little Ruffle pants!!!! I took old jeans that the girls wore that became too short for them and turned them into this! So cute!!!! Blue was so excited to have "Fancy Pants" to wear and Cricket can't wait till I get hers done!

I think I'll try some with double ruffles on the legs and maybe if I can get adventurous a few ruffles on the Butt!!! How cute would that be! And I have a few patterns for matching tops if I want to get really crazy! We'll see! I saw the cutest pattern that takes a tank top and adds fabric to the bottom!

So my mission today is to find old jeans to convert into these cute pants! Recycling and creating!!! Love it!!!!

Products! Gotta have it! Don't waste your money!!!

I'm a sucker for a few things in life and they all seem to be products I use in the bathroom. Be it make up or a new shampoo I love trying new things. Here my latest reviews on a few products I've been using... or not using lately!!!

Nano Titanium by Babyliss PRO: LOVE IT!!!!

This hair straightener is amazing! I have the 1" one and it's all I need. Not only does it straighten like a pro but it gives me the most amazing sexy "red carpet" curs in about 6 minutes!!! It can curl as well because it has curved edges and you can wrap your hair around it! This is a definite must in my home!!!

Cost: $100


OLAY Warming deep purifying cleanser: So so!!!

When they say it warms they really mean it WARMS!!!! The warming feature it self is a trip!!! It was such an odd feeling but it really seems to do what it says! I rarely buy OLAY products because they are too expensive in my book but I found this one in the clearance for only $5 so I thought I'd give it a try. So far so good but I think the biggest novelty or pull that this product offers is the fact that it warms up... other then that it's just another cleanser in my cabinet!

Revlon 3D Mascara: HATE IT !!!HATE IT!!!!

If you are into clumpy, nasty, heavy looking eyelashes then this is the mascara for you!! I on the other hand prefer well defined, clump free long lashes! I was so excited to try this new product I think I payed full price! The ads for it looked amazing. I can't tell you how much I hate this stuff. The brush it too soft and barely sweeps the mascara on evenly. It's thick and I have never seen so much clumping and don't you dare try to reapply... it's a mess!!! Don't waste your money on this one girls!

Cost $6
Maybelline GREAT LASH Black Mascara: LOVE IT!!!

Tried and true this old American Stand by can still hold a candle to any of it's fiercest competitors! I hate to admit that I've gone astray at times and tried some newest and greatest mascara only to get burned and come crawling back for forgiveness!!! I can't get enough of my Great Lash! It's affordable and reliable! What more could you ask for! It also comes in browns, clears, and shades of blacks and had brushes to chose from!!! Stock up on this baby and keep your lashes long and sexy!

$4 on average!

Well that's it for today girls!!! I would love to hear what your must haves and must avoid beauty products are! Like I said...I am a sucker for a good product!!! More to come!

What's up people!!!

Freaky... I had a dream that I was called to be on the dish washing committee in Relief Society. I was all ticked off about it & said I needed to think about it! Thankfully that was just a dream... What's the strangest "made up" calling you have ever heard of! I know there are a lot of them out there because my poor roommate had one in college. She was the center piece coordinator!!! Yep... she was in charge of putting the table cloth and fake flower arrangement out each Sunday in RS! Talk about feeling needed!

Speaking of RS... tonight we are going to see EMMA SMITH together for a mini gathering. I can't wait!!! I love getting together with the sisters in the ward. I am really starting to love my ward! The women are great adn who can pass up 50 cent popcorn night!

Yesterday Mike took the day off and we had the best day! WE washed our cars and then headed to the zoo. We bought a family pass for the year so if any of you local girls want to go let's make plans!!! Not sure if you know but I am pretty afraid of birds!Mike loved birds and so do the girls so I sat petrified in a bird show as bird after bird soared inches above my head as my heard ponded in my ears and I clung tight to Blue! I was so ready to get out of there! All in all it's a great zoo, minus the birds, and I can't wait to enjoy it more! It's only $60 for a family year pass!CRAZY huh!!! You can't even get into Disneyland for that price for the day!

I am so in need of new cloths! I need new jeans, some church cloths and a robe. Like always, when I need something I'll never be able to find anything. Cricket needs new church cloths too. I hate shopping when I have to!!! Why is that!

We'll today feels like Monday to me so that's why I'm dragging so much! I stayed up late watching my shows!!! I love DVR!!!!

It's official...

I'm no longer the one doing the toilet papering....I'm GETTING toilet papered!!!! No better way to feel like a full fledged home owner then to have such a "right of passage" prank pulled!!!!!

Friday night at 11 pm I looked out the window only to see that we had gotten TP'ed! I was so incredibly excited as if I had been apart of it!!! I ran down stairs to get Mike!!! I ended up cleaning it up that night only because we had a busy Saturday ahead of us and I didn't want the embarrassment that went along with all the neighbors driving by and gawking at the long billowing strands of toilet paper hanging from our trees!

For sure it had to be someone from my Sunday School class.Like Mike said..."Who toilet papers us!!!?

So I cleaned it up all the while laughing to myself and remembering all the great TPing jobs we pulled when we were teenagers... all my old friends will attest to the major jobs we did and my brother and Mike were pros!!! But the adult mom in me kicked in and I started to worry that they'd come back and do it again after noticing I cleaned it up. So I went in side, wrote a friendly note and tped it to the door!!!
It was a great weekend for meeting up with old friends. I had a wonderful visit with a dear friend from BYU days , Mayela. I can't tell you how much I adore this girl. She is incredible and it was like time never pased when we got together after 5 years of not seeing each other! She told me not to post this picture but look how beautiful she looks.I swear she never aged... she actually looks younger and more incredible. You'd never guess she's had 6 kids!!!

Then this afternoon Christina came by!!! It was so great to see her. And yes...she is as beautiful and tall and thin as you all picture her to be! It was great getting caught up and hearing about her amazing family. I really admire you Christina! Next year I'll have to venture out with you to the blog party...sounded like a blast! And know that I always have a place for you to stay!!!

We just bought a digital SLR and I think we'll pick it up tomorrow! I can't wait! My husband is a great researcher when it comes to any purchase especially electronic so I just nod my head and say yes dear! It's a SONY Alpha 200... these Asian women seem to think it's a pretty great camera too.Can't wait to get it and see what great pictures I can take!!! Maybe my girls will see the fanciness of the new camera and actually smile or look cute!!!

Hope you all had a great weekend!

Ode to the $5 foot long sub!

Like always, Subway was a source of joy to me today! Nothing like a good sub to make my day a little more perfect! I hate eating on the run but Subway is the exception...it's the healthiest way to get my grub on and not spend a ton. I'm a huge regular at Subway. Only once in my life did Subway and I not mix well...pregnancy has a way of taking your favorite thing and turning it against you~!!

I'm a whole wheat veggie delight kind of girl, everything on it minus the jalapeños !A little honey mustard, oil and vinigar and salt and pepper and I'm good to go. Back in the day I used to be able to eat Subway for lunch and dinner and my average visit was at least three times a week!

So for all you Sandwich artists out there who have blessed me with your willingness to create a mouth watering meal, I solute you!!!

Putting it out there...

Are you ever too afraid to actually say something out load in fear that it will never happen or that it's too big to even dream coming true? You know, a goal or a dream you may have for your future or yourself!

I have yet to master the ability to break down all self doubt. I am plagued by it some times or for specific goals I have for myself. I would like to think that I come off as a very confident person who seems in control most times but really I have this weakness that I am becoming very aware of lately only because it seems to be standing in my way!!

For sure there are things in my life that I have really fought hard to get past. At one time in my life I was petrified to sing in public but after some time I finally conquered that fear and really came into my own when it came to my singing. I sang anywhere and everywhere I could...for church, fare wells, homecomings,parties, funerals and on stage in musicals. My confidence soared and I was accomplishing a dream. Looking back now I can for sure see the hard work it took to get to that level of confidence and I can remember the rewards and the feelings I had. Sadly 7 years ago for what ever reason I just stopped. I stopped doing some thing I loved and lost the confidence needed to even sing a simple solo in church. I am a living, breathing example of the parable of the talents. I so buried it and now it's gone!

Now that's just an example of what I'm talking about. The idea of singing in public is so frightening yet I want so badly to be able to do it! I know I have the ability once I get my voice and stamina back. It's like knowing you have the tools but you're too afraid to use them!

I struggle with this in more then this department. I have a few things inside me that I so want to be good at, accomplished at but my fear of failure and self doubt hold me back. Sometimes I feel like I can't even share my goals with others because I "know" I'll never attain them. Other times I want to shout them to anyone who would listen just to put it out there and have that pressure pushing me forward! Ugg!!! I never know what to do! This is a silent struggle.

I'm sure we all have this list of goals, BIG goals, life changing goals, inside us. I'm still trying to figure out how to get them out! Here I sit debating weather or not to even list them here! Would it help me! ? Not sure! Would it hinder me!? Possibly! Some I have even started but have told so few people of because of all the reasons listed above!

I'd love a magic pill, spell or transformation if any of you have one!!! I'm my biggest stumbling block! I hope by admitting to myself my struggles I can start to move forward!!!Thanks for listening!

I'm hoping years from now when I've actually accomplished something incredible I have in mind I can look back at this post and laugh at myself for being so melodramatic and introspective! So me!!!