Crazy I know! I totally became an old woman! Sleep has been the source of disappointment over here for weeks now and I have finally had it! So I took a meletonin at 8 last night as was in bed by 9. Mike said when he came to bed I was totally talking in my sleep! Not surprising! That stuff gives me crazy dreams so why wouldn't it make me talk in my sleep! Hopefully I didn't say anything too crazy or alarming!
I had such a wonderful Sunday! Church as great with wonderful lessons and my class always makes my Sunday great! The RS lesson was on "Good, Better, Best!" It really helped me realize how important it is to have a good attitude about so many things. Things could always be better but they could also always be worst right! I need to practice enjoying the here and now where so many things are wonderful!
After Church we went to our Temple Prep class. We apparently are the wise all knowing temple going couple there to help answer questions! I love that class! It's a wonderful feeling to be reminded of the wonder and endless questions one has before they go to the temple for the first time. It takes you back to before you went. It's a wonderful class and a great reminder of the joys of the temple!
I have a doctors appointment today to discuss my ITP condition with a doctor. For those of you who don't know, I have a blood disorder that makes itself known only during pregnancy. It's an autoimmune disorder.When I'm pregnant my own body starts to destroy my blood platelets, the little guys that make it possible to clot blood, and my platelet count gets dangerously low. I feel completely normal during all this but I run a risk of bleeding internally or if cut or in an accident and then not being able to stop. I've had this condition with both pregnancies, my first being more severe, so we expect it to happen each time. It's been so long sence we have had to think about this and before we consider getting pregnant again we just want to go in and consult with doctors and make sure we're not crazy to do it again! Hopefully there may be new drug treatments or more answers. The first time I failed to respond to two strong drug treatments so this is defiantly a decision we don't take lightly.We just hope to get enough information and confidence to make the right choice.
Well... here goes the day! I better get started! I WAS perfectly refreshed for the first time ever this morning! That's a plus! Man a good nights sleep feels good! Have a wonderful day!
Mar 31, 2008
Mar 28, 2008
Hair
Do you ever feel like your walking around with the wrong hair style? I 'm starting, well continuing, to feel like I've been living the past 5 years with the wrong hair style. anyone who knows me knows I have always wanted long hair. Have I ever had long hair? NO!!! I get to this stage where it's just beyond my shoulders and I have some sort of out of body experiance and I OCD over it and chop it off myself... You all remember the last time I did that! I regret it the moment I squeeze the scissors for the first time but them I'm unfortunately committed.
I see friends and other who do something drastic like go really short or much shorter then they are used to and they look amazing! I get all inspired but quickly have this inner dialog with myself about my goal of long locks! My recent commitment is to not cut my hair , other then trims, till after I have my next baby! NO I'm not pregnant! Is that realistic in my little world!? Probably not!
Add my lack of will power, my love of change and my adoration for great hair and it all seems to add up to a disappointing outcome. WOW!!That self talk of defeat already is pretty depressing! I need some positive vibes and encouragement instead of a pessimistic view.
So I thought if I put it out that that my goal really is to grow my hair long I may stick to it this time! I mean middle of my back long!!!Who know...I may grow it out and hate it but heck! I have to give it a try! So wish me luck and now all of you are in on it! Keep the scissors hidden from when when I come for a visit!
Mar 26, 2008
Dreams
For sure I am trippin'! I broke down and took my Melitonin again because I suck when it comes to falling asleep and staying asleep! I was in bed last night by 9! One of the coolest side effects of taking that supplement is that it gives you crazy dreams! Now this wasn't the first time this has happened but I had a dream I was on Rock of Love with Brett Michaels! Crazy huh! I was the calm, moral good girl all the others were trying to break! I also had a dream in the same night that Blue had Diabetes, and I was at a plastic surgery center having a consultation for a boob job and I chicken out! CRAZY huh!!
I usually have pretty regular and frequent dreams but for sure they have all been kicked up a notch and are as real as ever! I wake up scared and sad when I thought Blue was a Diabetic. The other ones just makes me laugh. My dreams are either very entertaining or scary! I have to say I do look forward to falling asleep now! Who knows where the next dream will take me!
Do you ever wake up from a dream you can't wait to see how it ends and you desperately try to fall back asleep and finish it? I do that all the time! Either I was in American Idol or on a game show and I am riped from the moment of reveal by Blue wanting a drink or the day taunting me to get up and get going! I HATE That!!!
I get my best ideas for writing when I sleep. I had an amazing dream about a lost boy that would make the most wonderful short story or possible youth novel. My weakness is I forget the small details that make it so interesting. I need to write things down the moment I wake up. And then there are those dreams that I totally think are such amazing ideas and when I wake up and try to recall them I'm like... "Dude!!!That sucked!What was I so excited about!"
And when it comes to reoccurring dreams I have one that I've been having for over 20 years! I dream that I am at a large pool like areas floating in a blow up raft with family friends. All of a sudden an alarm goes off and a gate opens and Shamu the killer whale is coming right for me with his huge teeth showing and I know I'm a goner! All the other people in the boat jump ship and swim to safety and there I sit paralyzed with fear. That's one dream I have never finished. I always wake up just before I am eaten!
I am amazed at the world that comes to life after we fall asleep. I wonder why some people dream more then others. Mike can rarely remember his dreams. I think I dream so much because I never get a deep sleep. I am always in between sleep and being wide awake! It's a curse for sure! I would gladly trade my nights of adventure for a few nights of out of this world deep sleep!
For those of you who have trouble sleeping like me, what do you do to help? Do you dream like mad too! Just wondering.
Mar 24, 2008
Favorite state to be in!
In all our hectic lives we find ourselves wishing for more... more time, more help, more energy, more sleep! It's rare to find ourselves in a calm and complacent state of exisitence where all the stars seem to be aligned and the world is perfect as we know it! We all seem to be working for the greater goal that dangles itself like a carrot in front of us just beyond our reach! I am guilty of this all to often, wishing for a warmer day, a cleaner home, a healthier body. Gratitude and joy are harder to feel when tasks are piling up, kids are at your heels and your own spirit feels distant and unfamiliar.
I am trying harder each day to find the happy balance in responsibility and filling my well. Too many days go by where I lay down at night only to realize I did exactly the same things I did the day before and non of the things included enlightening myself. What is it that would bring me satisfaction? What would cause me to be content with a day not only dedicated to my family and my home but also to me! Honestly I don't know how to answer that! I have to figure that one out.
There are those moments that we have all experienced when we know we are doing it all right!
For me it's been moments alone with each child, their eye's staring into my own and all their innocence is on display. Or it's laying in bed at night sharing those last few words with my husband as we share our days accomplishments. Even if there wasn't much to share it's just the safe and familiar presence of each other that initiates those feelings of purpose and calm.
How ever those moments make them selves known I need to work harder on 1. recognize them when they do happen and 2. creating more moments like that. Making it my days purpose to have a fulfilling moment where all my stars do seem to be aligned and my world in harmony. Even just the thought of that makes me urn to try harder, relax a little more , stop for just a second and redirect my day!
This must be my own self going through it's state of "Spring!" A time where we take a mental inventory of what we are doing right and what we are doing wrong and what we want out of life! A time for new beginnings. I am grateful for change but more so the idea of something better! Not that life has dealt me a bad hand. I can never say that! I feel so blessed to be who I am, with who I am and have what I have! I just feel the need to press forward, striving for something better. I love this state of mind that fills my thought. It's the want for purpose, the need for new. It's a Spring awakening inside me that I am finally letting out!
I am trying harder each day to find the happy balance in responsibility and filling my well. Too many days go by where I lay down at night only to realize I did exactly the same things I did the day before and non of the things included enlightening myself. What is it that would bring me satisfaction? What would cause me to be content with a day not only dedicated to my family and my home but also to me! Honestly I don't know how to answer that! I have to figure that one out.
There are those moments that we have all experienced when we know we are doing it all right!
For me it's been moments alone with each child, their eye's staring into my own and all their innocence is on display. Or it's laying in bed at night sharing those last few words with my husband as we share our days accomplishments. Even if there wasn't much to share it's just the safe and familiar presence of each other that initiates those feelings of purpose and calm.
How ever those moments make them selves known I need to work harder on 1. recognize them when they do happen and 2. creating more moments like that. Making it my days purpose to have a fulfilling moment where all my stars do seem to be aligned and my world in harmony. Even just the thought of that makes me urn to try harder, relax a little more , stop for just a second and redirect my day!
This must be my own self going through it's state of "Spring!" A time where we take a mental inventory of what we are doing right and what we are doing wrong and what we want out of life! A time for new beginnings. I am grateful for change but more so the idea of something better! Not that life has dealt me a bad hand. I can never say that! I feel so blessed to be who I am, with who I am and have what I have! I just feel the need to press forward, striving for something better. I love this state of mind that fills my thought. It's the want for purpose, the need for new. It's a Spring awakening inside me that I am finally letting out!
Mar 20, 2008
All hail the mighty UTI
So there are a few times in life when a burning sensation is welcomed and almost looked forward to. For example... When you are overwhelmed by the spirit and a burning feeling overcomes your body and it is simply undeniable that you have felt the Spirit touch your heart. Or perhaps it's that feeling when you finish a long race you never imagines yourself finishing and your face burns and your heart pounds in your ears!!! And don't forget all those childhood moments when you swim for hours in a not so heated pool and jump out only to quickly run to the hot pavement and stretch your shaking body over the burning floor for life giving heat. I'll even go as far as saying that it's a welcomed feeling to PUSH finally after 24 hours of labor and all that pain and energy can finally work towards your advantage as you push through all that burning down there and you finally get to meet that precious new baby!!!
Burning sensations do have there place in all our lives but I for one have had it with the looming burning sensation I have been dealing with! There's nothing like a burning sensation every time you pee, think of peeing or finish peeing! Ah yes!!!The UTI fairy has struck again! This time she's held nothing back! She must be pissed it's been so long since her last visit! I swear she thinks it's her duty to remind us woman that it sucks to be a girl! I can usually combat her nasty dose of pain and vengeance with a fast trip to the doctors and BAM it's another victory for me! But not this time! Oh no!!! I am forced to pee every 10 minutes and only get a tease of a release and cringe at the thought of squeezing anything out for days now! Yep!! Almost a week I have been hating my "Cha-chee!" Yeah...That's what we call it over here! My Cha-chee!!!
Monday my effort to kill it with meds went unnoticed by UTI warrior beast that reigns inside me! Wednesday I even went so far as to bare my bum for a nasty Peanut butter shot that Stephanie remembers all to well! Can we add that burning sensation to the "Not so fun" list!!!! And still I sit here with my "area" not so happy and what am I to do!?!? NOTHING!!!!!!! For real this sucks!
I'll give it one more night before I wish I was born a boy but my land... It really sucks being a girl right now!
Burning sensations do have there place in all our lives but I for one have had it with the looming burning sensation I have been dealing with! There's nothing like a burning sensation every time you pee, think of peeing or finish peeing! Ah yes!!!The UTI fairy has struck again! This time she's held nothing back! She must be pissed it's been so long since her last visit! I swear she thinks it's her duty to remind us woman that it sucks to be a girl! I can usually combat her nasty dose of pain and vengeance with a fast trip to the doctors and BAM it's another victory for me! But not this time! Oh no!!! I am forced to pee every 10 minutes and only get a tease of a release and cringe at the thought of squeezing anything out for days now! Yep!! Almost a week I have been hating my "Cha-chee!" Yeah...That's what we call it over here! My Cha-chee!!!
Monday my effort to kill it with meds went unnoticed by UTI warrior beast that reigns inside me! Wednesday I even went so far as to bare my bum for a nasty Peanut butter shot that Stephanie remembers all to well! Can we add that burning sensation to the "Not so fun" list!!!! And still I sit here with my "area" not so happy and what am I to do!?!? NOTHING!!!!!!! For real this sucks!
I'll give it one more night before I wish I was born a boy but my land... It really sucks being a girl right now!
Mar 18, 2008
Bachelor time! & A Happy Birthday Queen!!
So I originally thought from the previews of this seasons Bachelor that he was going to be a little dorky but after watching last night I have decided that I really like him! I do have to say I was underwhelmed with the girls. No one really stood out to me like they have before!Oh well!
I know I'm not the only one that wonders this but I always wonder how I would do on one of these reality shows! It's probably not a good sign that I watch a handful of Reality shows so I constantly and fantasying how I would do. could I make it through a first round on Bachelor? Could I survive in a jungle on Survivor! Would I be catty and form alliances on Big Brother? Would I shave my head if Tyra asked me to for ANTM? Who knows! In all honesty I really don't think I'd get to far on any show but heck... if that guy Chet made it 17 days on Survivor doing nothing so could I so maybe I could do ok!
So that Brings me to this question...If you could be on a reality TV show what would it be?
The only one I really would love to be on is Amazing Race!Not sure who I would do the best with. Mike always says we could never be partners. He has no faith in me!!! I think I could do good , or have a lot of fun, with my sister Jenny or my SIL Steph!!! WE may not win but we would have a blast!
AND... I just had to send a birthday shout out to my SIL Steph! Best of all she was a best friend before she was sister in law so thats why I love her even more!!! Have a great one lady! Love ya!
I know I'm not the only one that wonders this but I always wonder how I would do on one of these reality shows! It's probably not a good sign that I watch a handful of Reality shows so I constantly and fantasying how I would do. could I make it through a first round on Bachelor? Could I survive in a jungle on Survivor! Would I be catty and form alliances on Big Brother? Would I shave my head if Tyra asked me to for ANTM? Who knows! In all honesty I really don't think I'd get to far on any show but heck... if that guy Chet made it 17 days on Survivor doing nothing so could I so maybe I could do ok!
So that Brings me to this question...If you could be on a reality TV show what would it be?
The only one I really would love to be on is Amazing Race!Not sure who I would do the best with. Mike always says we could never be partners. He has no faith in me!!! I think I could do good , or have a lot of fun, with my sister Jenny or my SIL Steph!!! WE may not win but we would have a blast!
AND... I just had to send a birthday shout out to my SIL Steph! Best of all she was a best friend before she was sister in law so thats why I love her even more!!! Have a great one lady! Love ya!
Mar 14, 2008
Bit by the bug...
The Spring Cleaning bug that is! I had a great day of cleaning today!For sure Mike will happy to come home to a REALLY clean house! I did three closets and my entire up stairs! I even did 2 loads of laundry AND folded them right away! My laundry room looks better then ever! Ahh I love that! For sure it had been forever since I really got down and dirty with the organizational cleaning. It's funny how in to it I can get when I am in the mood! I just have to run with it or I'll lose it!
Mace was such a huge help! I gave her jobs to do and she happily did them! We cleaned for 3 hours with no complaining, arguing or fighting! It was wonderful! I have seen a beautiful change in her over this week. The forced quiet time/naps and no tv have been miracle workers! She is back to her wonderful self! I have to remember that she can channel her energy in either a good way or a bad way. I have more ability now to help gear her in the more positive ways! I just adore that sweet girl!
Last night Mike took Mace on a Daddy daughter date and they saw Disney Princesses on Ice! The had such a great time! Macy more so then Mike I guess!She was so excited and dressed up as Snow White. When I asked her if she clapped she said "Yeah mom!I clapped to the rhythm!" Funny huh! That left Blue and I to a night of our own. I just love the one on one time we had. She is just a ball full of cute and I loved listening to her tender voice and giggles as we enjoyed dinner together at the bakery! We took Our time and I just watched her be a happy kid!That's really all I want for my children at this stage...to be happy, know they are loved and find the joys in every day. It was a great night last night!
So I am using a rental car right now while my car is getting repaired! I have a KIA Sedona and I am in love with it!!! The whole idea of a mini van is wonderful! The kids love the room and so do I !It's just such a treat! The ease of getting kids in and out is such a difference! Oh I never want to give it back!
ok chica's ... I hope you have a great weekend! I, like all to often, have nothing special planned! I can't wit till it gets warmer so I can spend the weekends outside or doing projects in the garage! take care!
Mace was such a huge help! I gave her jobs to do and she happily did them! We cleaned for 3 hours with no complaining, arguing or fighting! It was wonderful! I have seen a beautiful change in her over this week. The forced quiet time/naps and no tv have been miracle workers! She is back to her wonderful self! I have to remember that she can channel her energy in either a good way or a bad way. I have more ability now to help gear her in the more positive ways! I just adore that sweet girl!
Last night Mike took Mace on a Daddy daughter date and they saw Disney Princesses on Ice! The had such a great time! Macy more so then Mike I guess!She was so excited and dressed up as Snow White. When I asked her if she clapped she said "Yeah mom!I clapped to the rhythm!" Funny huh! That left Blue and I to a night of our own. I just love the one on one time we had. She is just a ball full of cute and I loved listening to her tender voice and giggles as we enjoyed dinner together at the bakery! We took Our time and I just watched her be a happy kid!That's really all I want for my children at this stage...to be happy, know they are loved and find the joys in every day. It was a great night last night!
So I am using a rental car right now while my car is getting repaired! I have a KIA Sedona and I am in love with it!!! The whole idea of a mini van is wonderful! The kids love the room and so do I !It's just such a treat! The ease of getting kids in and out is such a difference! Oh I never want to give it back!
ok chica's ... I hope you have a great weekend! I, like all to often, have nothing special planned! I can't wit till it gets warmer so I can spend the weekends outside or doing projects in the garage! take care!
Mar 12, 2008
80's at it's "Better!"
So we all loved the 80's right!!! Boy do I have some classics looks! I find it so hysterical that we now have parties, days and contests dedicated to making fun of ourselves during the 80's! My wonderful friend from HB threw her hubby a Surprise 80's Birthday party and I can't begin to tell you how RAD it was! All I can say is I am no longer a Dodge Ball virgin and my side ponytail was all to happy to make a come back after all these years!
Oh yeah and for sure Regina wins for best BANGS in the world!!! I love that girl!!!
Sadly the only thing I bought for my 80's look was the fanny pack! All my other cloths oddly morphed in to a flash back look that worked! Should I be scared!
Oh yeah and for sure Regina wins for best BANGS in the world!!! I love that girl!!!
Sadly the only thing I bought for my 80's look was the fanny pack! All my other cloths oddly morphed in to a flash back look that worked! Should I be scared!
Mar 11, 2008
Throwing you a bone!
I know!!! I've been pathetic when it comes to blogging! To stick up for myself I haven't been feeling well! What's new right! And no Steph... I'm not pregnant! I think I may have strep but I could just have a bad sore throat and the week of sleepless nights I am sure isn't helping! I haven't gotten a good nights sleep for over a week now and it's really starting to get to me! I finally bought and took some Melitonin last night and I think that helped! I do feel better today.
I have been trying to get all my stuff done for Enrichment tonight. I have been in charge of decorations and it's kept me busy! I'll be glad when tonight is over!
Yesterday was interesting! So I felt like crap and still had to drive a sister in the ward to Sam's Club to shop for Enrichment because I have the memebership. My sweet neighbor took my girls so I could get in and out of there! When I got back to pick them up Macy was her typical self and refused to leave! So I called for her to come down stairs and all of a sudden I, and the entire city of WestJordan, hear her scream at the top of her lungs that she was never going to leave! Just after her oscar winning performance she looks down at me and chucks my keys at me. I had no idea she had my keys in teh first place but there they were being hurled at my face!
So either two things will become of my daughter...1. she will be drafted into the NFL for her Quarterbacking skills or 2. She'll be in juvenile hall as a youth for anger management issues! Yep!!The keys hit me right in the face an inch from my eye!
Talk about irate! It took all I could do to not burst out crying from the pain and the shock of the act was almost as overwhelming! I stormed up the stairs, grabbed her like a sack of potatoes , uttered an apology to my friend for having to witness what just happened and left humiliated and in pain.
I got her in the car and saw that I was bleeding! All I could do was get her home and tell her to go straight to her room and to not dare come out till we got her out! Oh I was so angry!
I could tell she was sorry and embarrassed and remorseful but I just could not be around her. Honestly...what 4 year old does that!!!She has never gotten out of control like that before. She has yelled and put up a stink when it's time to go but throwing...never , and she could have really hurt me if it had hit my eye or if I had more then one key on my key ring! The whole thing makes me angry and scared for her! I do not want a reckless child no one wants to be around or is scared to have their children around in fear they pick up bad habits!
Her punishment was no tv all week and she had to go down and apologize to the neighbors. I am also enforcing mandatory quiet time or nap time every afternoon and no more friends houses for a week and if she argues again about leaving the next time it's another week without friends.
The back talk and arguing has to stop. She is truly my challenge! It doesn't help that when I recall the event to Mike he laughs at it and can only add that he loves her determined streak and compares her dispassion similar to how he was as a child! GREAT!!!!! Thanks a lot Mike! He is sensitive to the severity of her behavior and is 100% on the same page as I am but I just find it crazy at his silver lining attitude... maybe because she is so like him that he takes that view point! So luckily for me I get to deal with Mikes punishment as an adult...having a child as stubborn, witty and determined as he was. In my book that's called UNFAIR!!!!
I know I'm not the only mom who has her hands full. I know I'm not the only one that really worries about the character and personality development of her children. I have too many years ahead of me of worry and trail and error parenting to come to a stand still now! Ugg this sucks!
The worst thing I can imagine at this stage in the game is having a child no one wants to be around. I do not want to have that kid that no mom wants in their house or around their kids. I'd hate for her bad behavior to cloud all that is good and sweet and wonderful about her. When people hear this stuff I am sure it is shocking because she really is a wonderful and loving person. We all have our struggles and for sure she is mine right now! wish me luck!
I have been trying to get all my stuff done for Enrichment tonight. I have been in charge of decorations and it's kept me busy! I'll be glad when tonight is over!
Yesterday was interesting! So I felt like crap and still had to drive a sister in the ward to Sam's Club to shop for Enrichment because I have the memebership. My sweet neighbor took my girls so I could get in and out of there! When I got back to pick them up Macy was her typical self and refused to leave! So I called for her to come down stairs and all of a sudden I, and the entire city of WestJordan, hear her scream at the top of her lungs that she was never going to leave! Just after her oscar winning performance she looks down at me and chucks my keys at me. I had no idea she had my keys in teh first place but there they were being hurled at my face!
So either two things will become of my daughter...1. she will be drafted into the NFL for her Quarterbacking skills or 2. She'll be in juvenile hall as a youth for anger management issues! Yep!!The keys hit me right in the face an inch from my eye!
Talk about irate! It took all I could do to not burst out crying from the pain and the shock of the act was almost as overwhelming! I stormed up the stairs, grabbed her like a sack of potatoes , uttered an apology to my friend for having to witness what just happened and left humiliated and in pain.
I got her in the car and saw that I was bleeding! All I could do was get her home and tell her to go straight to her room and to not dare come out till we got her out! Oh I was so angry!
I could tell she was sorry and embarrassed and remorseful but I just could not be around her. Honestly...what 4 year old does that!!!She has never gotten out of control like that before. She has yelled and put up a stink when it's time to go but throwing...never , and she could have really hurt me if it had hit my eye or if I had more then one key on my key ring! The whole thing makes me angry and scared for her! I do not want a reckless child no one wants to be around or is scared to have their children around in fear they pick up bad habits!
Her punishment was no tv all week and she had to go down and apologize to the neighbors. I am also enforcing mandatory quiet time or nap time every afternoon and no more friends houses for a week and if she argues again about leaving the next time it's another week without friends.
The back talk and arguing has to stop. She is truly my challenge! It doesn't help that when I recall the event to Mike he laughs at it and can only add that he loves her determined streak and compares her dispassion similar to how he was as a child! GREAT!!!!! Thanks a lot Mike! He is sensitive to the severity of her behavior and is 100% on the same page as I am but I just find it crazy at his silver lining attitude... maybe because she is so like him that he takes that view point! So luckily for me I get to deal with Mikes punishment as an adult...having a child as stubborn, witty and determined as he was. In my book that's called UNFAIR!!!!
I know I'm not the only mom who has her hands full. I know I'm not the only one that really worries about the character and personality development of her children. I have too many years ahead of me of worry and trail and error parenting to come to a stand still now! Ugg this sucks!
The worst thing I can imagine at this stage in the game is having a child no one wants to be around. I do not want to have that kid that no mom wants in their house or around their kids. I'd hate for her bad behavior to cloud all that is good and sweet and wonderful about her. When people hear this stuff I am sure it is shocking because she really is a wonderful and loving person. We all have our struggles and for sure she is mine right now! wish me luck!
Mar 5, 2008
Vacation post!
I posted my post on the wrong blog! Jump over to my family blog to get the update on my trip!!!
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