In bed by 9?

Crazy I know! I totally became an old woman! Sleep has been the source of disappointment over here for weeks now and I have finally had it! So I took a meletonin at 8 last night as was in bed by 9. Mike said when he came to bed I was totally talking in my sleep! Not surprising! That stuff gives me crazy dreams so why wouldn't it make me talk in my sleep! Hopefully I didn't say anything too crazy or alarming!

I had such a wonderful Sunday! Church as great with wonderful lessons and my class always makes my Sunday great! The RS lesson was on "Good, Better, Best!" It really helped me realize how important it is to have a good attitude about so many things. Things could always be better but they could also always be worst right! I need to practice enjoying the here and now where so many things are wonderful!

After Church we went to our Temple Prep class. We apparently are the wise all knowing temple going couple there to help answer questions! I love that class! It's a wonderful feeling to be reminded of the wonder and endless questions one has before they go to the temple for the first time. It takes you back to before you went. It's a wonderful class and a great reminder of the joys of the temple!

I have a doctors appointment today to discuss my ITP condition with a doctor. For those of you who don't know, I have a blood disorder that makes itself known only during pregnancy. It's an autoimmune disorder.When I'm pregnant my own body starts to destroy my blood platelets, the little guys that make it possible to clot blood, and my platelet count gets dangerously low. I feel completely normal during all this but I run a risk of bleeding internally or if cut or in an accident and then not being able to stop. I've had this condition with both pregnancies, my first being more severe, so we expect it to happen each time. It's been so long sence we have had to think about this and before we consider getting pregnant again we just want to go in and consult with doctors and make sure we're not crazy to do it again! Hopefully there may be new drug treatments or more answers. The first time I failed to respond to two strong drug treatments so this is defiantly a decision we don't take lightly.We just hope to get enough information and confidence to make the right choice.

Well... here goes the day! I better get started! I WAS perfectly refreshed for the first time ever this morning! That's a plus! Man a good nights sleep feels good! Have a wonderful day!

Hair

Do you ever feel like your walking around with the wrong hair style? I 'm starting, well continuing, to feel like I've been living the past 5 years with the wrong hair style. anyone who knows me knows I have always wanted long hair. Have I ever had long hair? NO!!! I get to this stage where it's just beyond my shoulders and I have some sort of out of body experiance and I OCD over it and chop it off myself... You all remember the last time I did that! I regret it the moment I squeeze the scissors for the first time but them I'm unfortunately committed.

I see friends and other who do something drastic like go really short or much shorter then they are used to and they look amazing! I get all inspired but quickly have this inner dialog with myself about my goal of long locks! My recent commitment is to not cut my hair , other then trims, till after I have my next baby! NO I'm not pregnant! Is that realistic in my little world!? Probably not!

Add my lack of will power, my love of change and my adoration for great hair and it all seems to add up to a disappointing outcome. WOW!!That self talk of defeat already is pretty depressing! I need some positive vibes and encouragement instead of a pessimistic view.

So I thought if I put it out that that my goal really is to grow my hair long I may stick to it this time! I mean middle of my back long!!!Who know...I may grow it out and hate it but heck! I have to give it a try! So wish me luck and now all of you are in on it! Keep the scissors hidden from when when I come for a visit!

Dreams

For sure I am trippin'! I broke down and took my Melitonin again because I suck when it comes to falling asleep and staying asleep! I was in bed last night by 9! One of the coolest side effects of taking that supplement is that it gives you crazy dreams! Now this wasn't the first time this has happened but I had a dream I was on Rock of Love with Brett Michaels! Crazy huh! I was the calm, moral good girl all the others were trying to break! I also had a dream in the same night that Blue had Diabetes, and I was at a plastic surgery center having a consultation for a boob job and I chicken out! CRAZY huh!!

I usually have pretty regular and frequent dreams but for sure they have all been kicked up a notch and are as real as ever! I wake up scared and sad when I thought Blue was a Diabetic. The other ones just makes me laugh. My dreams are either very entertaining or scary! I have to say I do look forward to falling asleep now! Who knows where the next dream will take me!

Do you ever wake up from a dream you can't wait to see how it ends and you desperately try to fall back asleep and finish it? I do that all the time! Either I was in American Idol or on a game show and I am riped from the moment of reveal by Blue wanting a drink or the day taunting me to get up and get going! I HATE That!!!

I get my best ideas for writing when I sleep. I had an amazing dream about a lost boy that would make the most wonderful short story or possible youth novel. My weakness is I forget the small details that make it so interesting. I need to write things down the moment I wake up. And then there are those dreams that I totally think are such amazing ideas and when I wake up and try to recall them I'm like... "Dude!!!That sucked!What was I so excited about!"

And when it comes to reoccurring dreams I have one that I've been having for over 20 years! I dream that I am at a large pool like areas floating in a blow up raft with family friends. All of a sudden an alarm goes off and a gate opens and Shamu the killer whale is coming right for me with his huge teeth showing and I know I'm a goner! All the other people in the boat jump ship and swim to safety and there I sit paralyzed with fear. That's one dream I have never finished. I always wake up just before I am eaten!

I am amazed at the world that comes to life after we fall asleep. I wonder why some people dream more then others. Mike can rarely remember his dreams. I think I dream so much because I never get a deep sleep. I am always in between sleep and being wide awake! It's a curse for sure! I would gladly trade my nights of adventure for a few nights of out of this world deep sleep!

For those of you who have trouble sleeping like me, what do you do to help? Do you dream like mad too! Just wondering.

Favorite state to be in!

In all our hectic lives we find ourselves wishing for more... more time, more help, more energy, more sleep! It's rare to find ourselves in a calm and complacent state of exisitence where all the stars seem to be aligned and the world is perfect as we know it! We all seem to be working for the greater goal that dangles itself like a carrot in front of us just beyond our reach! I am guilty of this all to often, wishing for a warmer day, a cleaner home, a healthier body. Gratitude and joy are harder to feel when tasks are piling up, kids are at your heels and your own spirit feels distant and unfamiliar.

I am trying harder each day to find the happy balance in responsibility and filling my well. Too many days go by where I lay down at night only to realize I did exactly the same things I did the day before and non of the things included enlightening myself. What is it that would bring me satisfaction? What would cause me to be content with a day not only dedicated to my family and my home but also to me! Honestly I don't know how to answer that! I have to figure that one out.

There are those moments that we have all experienced when we know we are doing it all right!
For me it's been moments alone with each child, their eye's staring into my own and all their innocence is on display. Or it's laying in bed at night sharing those last few words with my husband as we share our days accomplishments. Even if there wasn't much to share it's just the safe and familiar presence of each other that initiates those feelings of purpose and calm.

How ever those moments make them selves known I need to work harder on 1. recognize them when they do happen and 2. creating more moments like that. Making it my days purpose to have a fulfilling moment where all my stars do seem to be aligned and my world in harmony. Even just the thought of that makes me urn to try harder, relax a little more , stop for just a second and redirect my day!

This must be my own self going through it's state of "Spring!" A time where we take a mental inventory of what we are doing right and what we are doing wrong and what we want out of life! A time for new beginnings. I am grateful for change but more so the idea of something better! Not that life has dealt me a bad hand. I can never say that! I feel so blessed to be who I am, with who I am and have what I have! I just feel the need to press forward, striving for something better. I love this state of mind that fills my thought. It's the want for purpose, the need for new. It's a Spring awakening inside me that I am finally letting out!