As overwhelming as motherhood and being a stay at home mom can be at times , I'd like to also add it's a little underwhelming as well!
All to often I gripe and moan over unruly toddlers who wears permanent scowls or one more day where I never once heard a single "Thank you!" I know I'm not the only one who deals with loads of laundry, dirty showers and "what's for dinner" conundrums.
Day in day out it can feel like all I do is hit the rewind and play button. And that's what makes it underwhelming as well! Predictable, unavoidable and stagnant at times!
Something must be wrong with me!Selfish I guess. I'm programed to need more praise or acknowledgment. More gratitude for what I do. I think that's my biggest flaw.
I'm greedy, needy and selfish.
I find it perfectly acceptable to expect a thank you for a meal I just prepared. I want to be told I am doing a good job! I need to hear that my efforts are not going unnoticed. Sadly I need to know these things. I, unlike employees of a company, don't get a form of compensation reflecting my productivity and value to a job.
My paycheck should be my family and home...I know! I get it! But heaven forbid I crave a little more then that!
This is where I faultier...time and time again!
I'll fall into a funk where I feel less then appreciated. It may just be underlying. I may not even notice it at first. That's when I start to care less about what I need to be doing...laundry sits clean in the laundry room begging to be folded. The basement stands still with a project on a table and the excuse " No one really will see it!" I do the bare minimum because I'm getting the bare minimum as a result. Horrible I know! It's hard to want to work your best when it feels like you get jack crap in return.
And then it all comes to a head and once again I feel undervalue and to blame yet still struggling to find my way out out and not be bitter for the reminder that I SUCK AT MY JOB!!!!
For sure this is why I blog!!! (Total sad confession coming out right now!!!) How pathetic!!! I feel my best when others tell me I'm doing something good! When I hear my efforts are being noticed or I have inspired someone else! Blogging does that for me! It's like I'm having an affair with blogger and the thousands of people who read my blog and leave me uplifting comments! It's the attention I need!!! I get what I'm not getting as a mom and home maker from perfect strangers on line who I will never meet...never disappoint or never tick off! Because I feel appreciated and needed I want to do more and be great at what I do.
I know this is totally pathetic! TOTALLY PATHETIC!!! I admit it! But it's my outlet! No different from someone who starts a business and puts so much work and effort in it simply to succeed. No one ever does anything NOT to feel some sort of accomplishment in it.
I just wish I didn't NEED it so much! I wish that my life as a mom and homemaker could fill me enough to be ok just being a mom and a home maker. But honestly I'm soooo much more then that and blogging is my way of tapping into that existance. Is that so wrong?
It is going to take years and years to cash in on my "mothering" investment. I know it will all pay off. I know I am doing the right thing as a mother. I just enjoy a little instant gratification once in a while!
So that's where I am in life! Right now at least.
12 comments:
I know what you mean! Luckily, I'm a huge "thank you" person, like to a fault almost...so, my boys are kinda the same way. But I so hear you! I think you do a great job!!!
You just wrote my mind. It's exactly me, too! When I blog, I can point out how awesome I am, how great everything is in my life and never show my dirty house or piles of laundry, bland dinner or that I was "that mom" (the BAD one) the whole day! Hopefully that way, years down the road, that will all be forgotten and only the good remembered! It's my only hope!
bec-
you are awesome and i love you. this post is just another reason why.
Oh Becks, I totally understand, as I'm sure almost every other SAHM does. I often say "nice dinner Megan" after we finish a meal and am always telling Kate to say "Thank you Mommy!" when I do something for her. Sad, but true. One day, when your kids are older, they will realize what a unbelievably talented and wonderful mother they have. I always envy not only your creativity, but how well you do the things you do! I love you, thanks for being such a swell SIL!
Becca,
I hear you. I felt the same way when my kids were little. But I agree with Megan, when your children get older they will realize what a unbelievably talented and wonderful mother they have. Mine did. :)
If you make me dinner I guarantee you will hear a THANK YOU and you will feel much appreciated! I am sure that will fix everything.
Thank you for voicing my very thoughts! Seriously this is how I've been feeling a lot lately. It's nice to know that as Mom's we all experience this, makes it a little easier knowing I'm not alone! :)
Becca...you have every right to want a thank you for what you do. I have always said i could never be a SAHM. I too need that instant gratification that I get from teaching. I love what I do and I think if I were a SAHM I too would be blogging about this ;) You are an amazing mom and wife! Laura and I are always talking about you and how we wonder where you get the time and energy to do all you do. Keep up the good work! You are appreciated ;) Love you sweetie :)
amen to that...
I think you took these words out of my head! I have been feeling the same exact way. My house literally looks like qa bomb went off. I woke up this morning thinking, I need to get out of this funk! Now, I am off to fold the laundry that is calling my name! Hang in there friend. :)
Great post (as always!) You are so good at blogging ... and crafts too of course!
I'm the same way with liking to be complimented...that's why I love singing, dancing or acting in public. Those "good jobs" are really fun for me!
I don't think this problem is single to the stay at home mom... I'm a working full time from home Mom, who frequently feels this same way. Time gets the best of me and I find myself feeling under appreciated, while at the same time feeling a complete failure because I can't get everything done. I think we're just too hard on ourselves as women, in general. But you are right - a little props from those around you seems to do the trick. And that, I think, is why we have friends... XOXO, I think you're fabulous and I am grateful for your friendship and all that you do!
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